Revision Letter

Dear Dr McCormick,


After reviewing my paper and all your comments, I realize that I must correct certain parts of my essay.
First of all, I am going to state my thesis more clearly by providing a detailed explanation on my opinion of who is to blame to the child’s death. To make my thesis more clear, I would like to say that the reason this child is not alive, is mainly because of the parents lack of responsibility to supply the child with not adequate diet.
Secondly, after reviewing my paragraphs I will put more attention on connecting paragraphs with the thesis. Each paragraph will provide with t information, examples and opinions which evidently prove my thesis. Moreover, the end of each paragraph will contain a very short summary and conclusion about the main idea discussed in a paragraph. Off course, all conclusion will be linked with the thesis. To make my essay more interesting, I am also going to present information about the opposite view. I will present an article which says that a vegan diet is equally dangerous for weaned babies and toddlers, who need plenty of protein and calcium and too often vegans turn to soy.
In order to provide more details and examples, I am going to do more research about vegan diet which. help me to prove that vegan diet if well-planned is beneficial at all stages of life. I think that it will provide enough information about the case and help readers to understand what I am discussing.
I believe that all these correction and new ideas that I would like to imply into my essay will clearly demonstrate my thoughts and opinion about this particular case and confirm the thesis.

Vegans/Veganism

My research paper is going to be about Vegans:

-what is a vegan/veganism
-history of veganism
-what do vegans eat
-vegan organisations PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC9OgM5N3uA
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veganism
http://www.peta.org/
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1854996,00.html